The best thing the internet has ever done for the human race is given individuals the opportunity to express themselves via video-sharing. I could do any numbers of things such as perform a song, fall down in public, or masturbate on camera and within minutes someone on the other end of the world could be enjoying the product. It’s astounding. Seven years after YouTube’s creation it’s still a hard thought to process.
I love to watch videos on YouTube. I will spend an entire day working my way down a rabbit hole of unnecessary videos. My favorites videos tend to be the outrageous musical stylings of independent R&B and Hip-Hop artists. There is nothing better than a low-quality music video for a song that was recorded in someone’s basement.
I’m sure you’ve seen many of my favorite videos, but in case you haven’t I’ve posted them all below with a little commentary to match. Hope you enjoy as much as I do.
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Lady – “Yankin”
This video has made its rounds on the internet, but holy shit. It’s still amazing. It’s so bad. Who thought this was a good idea? Champagne, Magnums, Flaming Cheetos, and a yankin’ pussy? That doesn’t even sound a little bit appealing. That sounds like some desperate Craigslist Ad: “Yankin’ Pussy Seeks Big Dick. Encounter involves the following items. More information upon request.”
Also, saying your pussy is yankin’ makes it sound diseased. I don’t care if your “pussy feels so good it feels like the rubber is off” cause I don’t want to put my dick anywhere near it. Remember? It’s yankin’. If you’re wondering if I have this song on my iPod the answer is yes. I have many other Lady tracks as well.
Savion Simone – Don’t Make Me Snap My Fingers
Who are you talking to like that? Where is your mother? Girl, if I was your momma I’d be like, “Don’t make you what?! SNAP YOUR FINGERS IN Z FORMATION? I dare you to snap your fingers at me. I will beat your ass.” You need some discipline! You better snap your ass back into school or detention or where ever it is you belong.
You are like ten years old. You don’t talk to people like that, little miss attitude. And what do you know about ‘booty sensation’?! Where did you learn that? If it wasn’t for Willow Smith and her whipping her damn hair all over the place. Now these little girls think they can do whatever they want.
Yung Humma ft Flynt Flossy – “Lemme Smang It”
Another video that has made its way into the annals of YouTube history. Why? Becayse nothing says rough sex like drops of water and a smooth man weave. If Yung Humma’s braids don’t make you wanna smash it and bang all over the place then surely his monotone nearly falsetto voice might. Is that black girl flailing every which way in front of those green screened droplets of water meant to be a metaphor? Is she wet for your braids, Yung Humma? Are you “working her kitty” till her “heart sangs”?
Majela ZeZe Diamond – “Queen of Vagina”
Now I should warn you before I discuss this video that vaginas are my number four fear. So you can understand why a Nigerian woman thrusting and offering up her vagina for the taking is a little unnerving to me. That being said… I love this shit. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve listened to this so many times I know the words by heart? I mean I know it’s not difficult. Just repeat the words “vagina”, “penis”, and “sex” like ten times each. Rinse. Repeat.
It also gives me faith that my rap career isn’t just a pipe dream and that someday repeating the lyrics to my catchy chorus over and over throughout my songs will make them hits.
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I’m behind. I should’ve been a YouTube sensation ages ago. I think I’m gonna go find a camera and get started on that.
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